Uneasy Feeling by Patt

Uneasy Feeling - Patt

“You’re such a jerk and you don’t even care who you hurt,” Blair shouted.

Jim shoved him softly and said, “You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

“Did you think about your dad and your brother for the holidays? No. You only thought about you and you didn’t want to tell them about us, so you’d rather not have them over. I get it. You’re a fucking jerk,” Blair shouted once more.

“You don’t have to shout, Blair. I can hear you whispering,” Jim said softly.

Blair whispered, “Well, fuck you, then.”

“Really mature, Chief. I’m so impressed.”

“I don’t see why you won’t tell them. We can’t have anyone from Major Crimes over because they don’t know. We can’t have your family over because they don’t know. So instead it’ll just be the two of us on a holiday where you’re supposed to enjoy it with friends and family. I wanted to cook for everyone. So yes, Jim Ellison, you’re a big fucking jerk.”

“Stop calling me a jerk. You didn’t mind not telling anyone when we started sleeping together, why is it bothering you now?” Jim asked.

“It might be because I’m in love with you and I’d like everyone to know. Why don’t you want anyone to know?” Blair inquired.

“I don’t think it’s anyone’s business. So stop worrying about it. We’ll just have a small dinner with the two of us tomorrow and that’ll be that,” Jim stated.

“You can have a small dinner. I’m going to Simon’s for dinner. He invited us, after all, and I’d like to go and spend time with our friends.”

“You’re going to leave me alone on Christmas day?” Jim asked, looking somewhat horrified.

“Yes, you don’t need me here. Believe me, you won’t want me here. I still think you’re a jerk.”

The phone rang interrupting the conversation or argument; whichever you might call it and Jim answered the phone. “Ellison.”

“We have a dead body and we need you down by the docks in the next ten minutes. Can you make it?” Simon asked.

“Yeah, we’ll be there in ten minutes. Where on the docks?” Jim wondered.

“Just look for all of the police cars, Jim. You can’t miss it,” Simon barked and hung up his phone.

“Simon thinks he’s really funny. He isn’t, let me tell you,” Jim said.

“You can handle it by yourself, I’m sure,” Blair replied.

“Oh now you’re not taking calls with me? Really great, Sandburg. I just told him we would be there in ten minutes.”

“So un-tell him. You know, I don’t have to go if I don’t want to. I’m an observer after all. You’ll probably tell me to stay in the truck,” Blair ranted.

“Come on, Chief. Please do this for me. Do it for the team. They’re expecting us down there,” Jim pleaded.

“Fine, just drive and don’t talk to me at all. And if you tell me to stay in the truck, I’m walking home and never talking to you again,” Blair answered.

“Fine…” Jim said as he flew out the door, heading for his truck.

Once inside, he didn’t even tell Blair to buckle his seatbelt. Jim was that pissed off. He started driving with the siren on and was speeding like a bat out of hell. The truck felt like it was going to flip over a couple of times while Jim was turning corners and Blair finally said, “Jim, stop and let me out.”

“You love telling me what to do, don’t you?” Jim shouted as he glared at Blair, taking his eyes off the road just long enough to miss seeing the car going through the red light. Jim hit the car full force, going about seventy miles an hour and both he and Blair were slammed against the windshield and that was the last thing either of them remembered. They were down for the count.


“Simon, there was just a report on the radio that said Jim’s vehicle was in a bad accident. How about one of us go and see if they’re all right,” Connor asked.

“Fine, and call and let us know right away. Figures, Jim would do anything to get out of work over the holidays,” Simon joked.

“I hope it is a joke, sir.” Megan Connor rushed to her car and took off for the intersection they had mentioned in the call for the paramedics.


When Connor got to the intersection, she couldn’t believe that was Jim’s truck. Oh my God. How could they have lived through this? Connor jumped out of her vehicle and rushed to the ambulances that were there and saw both Jim and Blair. One in each ambulance. Both of them seemed to be unconscious. She showed her badge to the first med tech and said, “I’m Inspector Connor from Major Crimes. These are both of our men from Major Crimes. How is Sandburg doing?”

“Is that his name?” the first man asked.

“Yes, his name is Blair Sandburg, how is he?” Connor wanted to know.

“He’s bleeding internally and perhaps has a ruptured spleen, so we’ve got to get him to the hospital soon. Now if you’d let us go, we could get him there and save his life,” the irate man added.

“Sorry, sorry, I know you’re just doing your job. Go. Hurry.” Connor rushed over to the other vehicle and asked the medic how Jim Ellison was doing.

“He’s going to make it. He’s got a concussion, a few bruised ribs and a perhaps a broken left hand. But other then that, he’s doing much better then his companion. Neither of them had seat belts on and they’re going to suffer for it.”

“Are you taking Jim up now?” Connor asked.

“Yes, we’re going up now. Now if you don’t mind, we have work to do. You can see them up at the hospital when they are done seeing the doctors. Goodbye,” the man shouted as he slammed the door and the ambulance took off with the siren going.

Connor realized she hadn’t asked where they were taking them. She figured it would be Cascade General and went with her gut feeling. She got in, did her seat belt and took off with the siren to get to the hospital as quickly as she could. She knew she needed to tell Simon, but she wanted to wait until she knew more.


Six hours later, Connor called Simon.


“Simon, I’m still at the hospital with Jim and Blair. It was them in the accident. Blair just got out of surgery. It was touch and go for awhile, the doctor said. They had to remove his spleen. They have him hooked up for transfusions because he lost so much blood. They said he has a concussion but other then that, he’s doing fairly well. Jim on the other hand only has a concussion. They thought his hand was broke, but just swollen from hitting the windshield. He’s fine and I’m going to see him soon. Do you want me to call from his room, sir?”

“Yes, and let me know how Sandburg is doing. I think that’s horrible. He was going to bring the turkey on Christmas,” Simon kidded.

“Sir, I don’t see the humor in that,” Connor fussed.

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I was trying to lighten up the situation. There is no way to make it lighter, is there? Was the accident Jim’s fault?” Simon asked.

“No, a car went through the red light and Jim didn’t see him in time. I’m going up to see him now. They’re going to put them in the same room, thankfully, so we won’t have Mount Ellison erupting over that,” Connor said.

“Good, call me when you know more. I’ll be up as soon as I can,” Simon replied before he hung up the phone.

Connor walked up to the elevator and wished she didn’t have to go up there. Jim was going to be a basket case and probably take it out on her. She hated being friends with them sometimes. Then she smiled and realized she never hated being friends with them.


Jim was awake and sitting up when Connor got to the room. “Do you know where Blair is?”

“Sandy is coming to the room soon. They just got him into recovery after the surgery and he’s going to be just fine,” Connor said.

“Surgery for what?” asked a panic stricken Jim Ellison.

“They had to remove his spleen and pump him full of blood. He lost a lot, I would guess. He’s got a concussion and is lucky he’s alive,” Connor informed Jim.

“Oh my God, it’s my fault, Connor. I wasn’t paying attention to the road, we were fighting,” Jim explained.

“Jim, someone went through a red light, so he was going to hit you either way. I’m sorry you two were fighting, is there anything I can help with?” Connor asked.

Jim thought a moment and then finally said, “I was being an ass. He called me a jerk, but an ass would be more like it. Are you sure he’s going to be fine? And they’re bringing him to this room for certain?”

“Calm down, Jimbo. Things are going to be just fine. The doctor said it would be about an hour before Sandy got to his room, which is here. He wasn’t awake while I was down there, but the doctor said that this sometimes happens to patients. I’m sure he’s going to be great.”

Connor sat down and watched the doorway that Jim was watching and hoped they would bring Blair soon. She decided that she was going to ask questions while they waited.

“So, what were you two fighting about?”

“Connor, it’s private.”

“Jimbo, I hate to point this out, but Sandy just had his spleen removed, I think we’re past the private part.”

Jim tried to sit up more in the bed, but he was sore and couldn’t do it. “I don’t want to talk to you about it.”

“Oh my God, you two are an item. Did anyone know? Oh no, tell me you didn’t try and keep this quiet. He would have thought you were ashamed of him. Please tell me that’s not the case,” Connor pleaded.

Jim blushed and looked down at his swollen hand. He didn’t know what to say to Connor. He really wanted to keep his private life, private. “Connor, this is all something I need to discuss with Sandburg, not you.”

“You know what I think?” Connor asked.

“I have an uneasy feeling that you’re going to tell me right now,” Jim kidded.

“Uneasy feeling? You don’t have a clue as to what an uneasy feeling is. He’s probably never going to talk to you again and I wouldn’t blame him a bit.”

“For your information, Blair didn’t want anyone to know either. So what do you think about that?”

“I think he went along with it at first, hoping that you would come around and not treat him like some little secret.”

Jim just sighed and said, “I don’t want to go into this with you, Connor.”

“Fine, wait until they bring Sandy and you can tell him how you feel about this now. How do you feel about this now?”

At that moment they brought Blair in. He was as white as the sheet on top of him and he had big dark circles around his closed eyes. He looked really bad. Jim no longer was ready to argue with Connor, he was now focused on Blair alone.

The doctor walked into the room and said, “Jim Ellison?”

“That’s me, sir.”

“You’re on his emergency contact information card, so I’m here to inform you of what’s going on. We had to remove his spleen, which we needed to because it was ready to burst. I’m glad we got to it before then. He had a concussion from hitting his head on the windshield. Why weren’t you wearing your seatbelts?” the doctor asked.

“We were on our way to an emergency call and we just forgot,” Jim said.

“He’s probably not going to wake up for another six hours or so. We gave him quite a bit of pain medication and he’s out of it. If you need anything, my name is Doctor Reyes. Don’t hesitate to call with any questions you have. Oh, and he won’t be going back to his job for at least four weeks. Could you call his boss and tell them that?” Doctor Reyes asked.

“I’ll let them know today.” Jim got out of bed and walked over to where Blair was and saw how horrible he looked and felt twice as bad, if that was at all possible. He picked up Blair’s hand and held it close to his own face and then kissed his knuckles. He didn’t care if Connor was in the room or not. All that mattered was the love of his life getting better.

“I’m going to go to the station and fill Simon in on what’s going on,” Connor said as she walked towards the door.

“I hope you’ll keep your mouth shut about what we were discussing,” Jim said softly.

“Oh don’t worry. I hope he wakes up and kicks your ass out. He shouldn’t have to put up with the shit you hand him on a daily basis.”

“Fuck you, Connor,” Jim whispered.

“Not in this lifetime,” Connor said as she stormed out the door.

Jim just sighed and went back to watching his friend and lover. Blair’s eyes were open and he said, “Let go of my hand.”


“You just don’t get it, do you? You’re never going to get it, so I’m going to stop pushing you. Now leave me alone. I don’t want you talking to me anymore. We are no longer lovers or best friends,” Blair stated coldly.

“Blair, I’m going to help you get better and on your feet. I need to do that,” Jim begged.

“Tough shit. I’m not going to do anything for you and you’re not doing anything for me. So there.”

“Blair, I love you very much,” Jim said softly.

Blair laughed sadly. “And this is how you show me you love me? You deny us? You deny that we’re even a couple? I don’t think so. Fuck you, Ellison.”

“So we’re going to throw all of these years of friendship out the window, like we mean nothing to each other?” Jim asked.

“Yes, that’s exactly what I mean. I’ve never understood the people that could stay friendly with old lovers. I’ve never made it work and don’t plan on doing so now.”

“Blair you’re going to need care when you come home from the hospital, so I want to be there for you, okay?”

“No, I’ll be moving to Connor’s apartment. She has a spare room. I saw it when I was there the last time for poker night. I’ll still work with you, but I don’t want to be in love with you anymore.”

Jim walked over to his bed and lay down on it and sighed again. What was he going to do about this?


Simon walked in about two hours later and saw the men not speaking. He knew this was too good to be true. “How are you doing, Blair?”

“I’m doing well. The doctor said I could go home tomorrow, if I continue to do as well as I have been,” Blair replied.

“How are you, Jim?” Simon called out to the other side of the room.

“Jim dandy,” replied a very sarcastic Jim.

“You two are fighting while in the hospital? This is a new record. What’s going on, maybe I can help,” Simon suggested.

“Sir, thank you for your help, but it’s not needed. Jim and I are no longer roommates or friends. I will however still be available for helping him with his senses, but that’s where it ends,” Blair ranted.

“Oh my God, you two slept together. Don’t you know that it ruins everything? Look what it’s done to both of you. You’re not talking and you’re not friends anymore. What can fix this?” Simon hoped that he could talk some sense into the two men.

“There is nothing to fix it, Simon, so don’t try and fix us,” Blair said tiredly.

“Simon, Blair is tired, let’s let him rest and we’ll talk to him when he wakes up,” Jim suggested.

“Okay, I’ll be back in a couple of hours, Blair, and I want to talk to you,” Simon stated as he walked out the door.

Blair just sighed and went right to sleep. Jim looked over at his lover, or what would he be now? He wouldn’t be his friend and he wouldn’t be his lover, so that left partner at work. Oh no, that wouldn’t do. Not for James Ellison. He wasn’t giving up that easily.


Jim slept soundly for two hours and looked over when he woke up to see a wide awake, Blair. “Hey, Chief.”

Blair just rolled over and ignored Jim. Jim got up and got dressed in his grubby clothes from the night before and walked out of the room. Blair wondered what he was doing, but he wasn’t talking to Jim, so he would just have to wait and see.


Jim went downstairs to the gift shop and bought every stuffed animal he could find, all of the balloons and even ones that said ‘to my sweetheart’. Jim asked them to deliver everything up to Blair’s room and it took four people to take carts of things upstairs. They delivered everything and Jim filled out cards before they went up there. So each item had a love filled card on it from Jim. He wasn’t leaving anything to chance. Then he let them deliver it all to Blair. He didn’t want to be there to ruin it.


Connor, Rafe, Brown, Joel and Simon were all upstairs visiting the two boys only to find one of them missing.

Simon asked, “Where is Jim?”

Blair glared at Simon and said, “Who cares?”

“Oh oh, trouble in paradise,” Rafe teased.

At that moment, the four cart loads of goodies came rolling into the room. The main man pushing one of the carts asked, “Are you Blair Sandburg?”

“Yes, why?”

“These are all yours,” The man answered.

“I don’t want them. Take them all and deliver them to kids who need them or old folks that need them. I don’t want them,” Blair shouted.

The man looked confused. “I’m sorry, but they’re for you, we can’t take them anywhere else.”

“Let me see what Jimbo has bought for you,” Connor said smiling as she picked up a stuffed lion.

On the card it said,

‘I love you, if I said I didn’t I’d be lion.

Love, Jim.’

Connor burst out laughing and said, “Oh Sandy, you have to read this one. You have to admit, he’s cute, when he’s kissing ass.”

She took it over to Blair and Blair burst out laughing. “Okay, this one stays.”

There was a four foot giraffe that had a card that said,


I would soar to great heights to get the word out about you and me.

Love, Jim’

Simon showed him that card and Blair said, “Okay, I want this one too. So he’s telling me that he’s all right being out now?”

“I would guess, yes,” Joel said smiling.

They all took turns reading cards to him, making Blair smile and laugh. Jim was hiding in the hallway, waiting for the right time to come in. He figured he had hid enough. It was time.

He walked into the room, making everyone stop talking, walked over to the side of Blair’s bed and leaned down and kissed Blair as gently as he could. He stayed there for quite some time. When he stood back up, straight, Blair was smiling.

“Okay, I’m going to forgive you this time, but if it ever happens again, I’m going to kick your sweet ass.”

Everyone in the room clapped. The nurses down the hall wondered what in the world was going on in that room.

“Simon, could you bring me some clean clothes from the loft? Then I’ll go home and get Blair’s things he’ll need for tomorrow.”

Simon smiled and said, “I’ll be back in a jiffy. I’m glad I have that emergency key.”

“You’re going home tonight, Jim?” Blair asked.

“No, I’m going to stay here tonight, but I wanted my clothes to be clean and take a shower first. Then I’ll sleep in the chair next to your bed all night long,” Jim said.

“All right then. I thought you were leaving,” Blair said sadly.

“Blair, you’re stuck with me. I’m never leaving, even if you want me to,” Jim warned.

“Good, that’s what I wanted to hear. Now, about the holidays. Since tomorrow is Christmas and we won’t be home in time, how about everyone coming to our house for dinner on New Years Day?” Blair asked.

Joel smiled. “I’ll be there, you can count on me. Do we each bring something?”

Jim said, “How about we work that out in the next couple of days, Joel. In the meantime, the invitation is for all of you and we hope to have you come. I’m inviting my dad and my brother too. So get ready for some fireworks, folks.”

Henri laughed and said, “I bet he already knows. Dad’s are smart that way.”

“While everyone is here, I wanted to apologize to Blair for almost killing him. I thank God that he’s all right, but it could have went the other way. I’m very thankful to have you in my life, Blair. I’ll never drive like that again and no more fighting while we’re in the truck. Oh man, there is no truck. Chief, when you feel better do you want to shop for a new vehicle with me?”

“I want a big SUV, Jim. Lots of room for all sorts of things,” Blair said.

Everyone started to laugh and Blair said, “Get your mind out of the gutter. I was talking about camping and fishing gear. It’ll have a lot of room for those. I need to go to sleep, everyone. See you later,” Blair said as he turned his head and closed his eyes.

Jim knew he was exhausted and no doubt all of this had tired him even more. Jim was going to be taking good care of Blair. There would be no problems at all. Jim was no longer going to be having those uneasy feelings about anything.

Everyone left the room, patting Jim on the back and hugging him. Jim realized he was exhausted too. He lay down on the bed next to Blair and fell asleep within minutes.

When Simon got up there, he had a bag made up for each of them. Clothes, underwear, socks, shoes and hygiene products. They were going to be set. He could tell by looking at Jim that he wasn’t going to be sitting by Blair’s side all night long, he was going to be sleeping in the next bed. So Simon did the next best thing. He moved the night stand out of the way and pushed the two beds together. Jim woke up once and smiled at Simon. Then he was back to sleep in seconds. Simon covered them up and turned the light out and shut the door.

Jim Ellison and Blair Sandburg were alive. This was indeed a Merry Fucking Christmas and Simon wasn’t ever going to forget it.

The end.

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