E-Harmony by Patt

E-Harmony - Patt

Blair got home from the university and was exhausted. He hoped that Jim was cooking dinner because he wasn’t in the mood. If he had to listen to one more immature student this week he was going to have to take a vacation. He realized they were young and somewhat immature, but did they have to act like it all the time? Suddenly he felt very old. For crying out loud, you’re only 26. You’re not ready for the old age home yet. Blair wished he had a date for tonight. And by date he meant a male date. He needed to get his brains fucked out. Yes, that’s what he needed. Maybe he would call Tyler after dinner. Thankfully Jim understood about the whole bi-sexual relationships from time to time. Blair often wondered if Jim ever slept with a man. Now, Jim is someone I would love to sleep with. Blair got to the front door of the loft and smelled something wonderful and smiled immediately. Jim had cooked. Smelled like meatloaf. He could only hope. Blair loved meatloaf. He opened up the door and found Jim doing some paperwork at the kitchen table. Jim almost hid it when he saw Blair come in.

“What? You didn’t hear me banging up the stairs? The elevator’s out again,” Blair said.

“You had to work late tonight. Dinner’s been done for an hour. You ready to eat, Chief?”

“You better believe it. I’m starving and I could smell this downstairs. Okay, maybe not downstairs, but outside the door. I’m so jealous of your senses.”

Jim laughed as he put the paperwork away and set the table quickly for dinner. “We’re having mashed potatoes, green beans and meatloaf. Just the way you like it, too.”

Blair began to dig in and Jim smiled to himself. He loved making dinners for Blair, but he wouldn’t admit to it. He liked doing a lot of things for Blair, but Blair didn’t seem to have any interest in him, so he let his mind stay on the food instead.

They ate silently and Blair couldn’t fill his plate up the second time fast enough. He was starving. “I didn’t eat anything today, but that granola I had this morning. I was hoping a certain partner of mine would come over to the Uni and save my butt and take me to lunch. But no. Instead I had to put with the whiners and the brats all afternoon. I deserve this dinner. Thank you.”

“You are most welcome, Chief. I’m glad that you like it. I thought we might have enough for leftovers for tomorrow, but I think we might only have enough for a sandwich for each of us to take to work tomorrow.”

“I love meatloaf sandwiches. Especially your meatloaf sandwiches. Thanks again,” Blair said.

Jim smiled as he got up to get containers for all of the leftovers. They cleaned up the table, the kitchen and did all of the dishes while talking about their day at work.

Blair was making Jim smile with his tales of the rich bitch that was coming on to him in his classroom in front of everyone. Blair was so offended by it. He was the teacher damn it and he wanted to be taken seriously.

“Chief, she can’t help but like the looks of you. Can’t blame her for trying.”

“Yes, I can. And I do blame her for trying. I’m her teacher and that’s what I told the entire class today. I haven’t got time for this crap. They had the nerve to laugh about it. Do you believe it?” Blair was so irritated that he was getting angry again.

“Blair, you have a way about you that everyone wants to date you. People fall all over themselves at the station to get your attention. You don’t seem to notice most of the time. I did see that you took notice of Bradley Carson from Vice.”

“Who wouldn’t notice Bradley Carson from Vice? Whoa, what a hottie. I really, really would have liked going out with him, but he said he doesn’t date anyone at the station. He just flirts. He’s a pig.”

Jim burst out laughing and said, “He is a pig.”

“I know, that’s what I said. You don’t go flirting with everyone and then shoot them down when they ask you out. It’s just not good practice. I really thought we had a connection. Come to find out, he just liked to tease me. What a jerk and a cock teasing pig.”

Jim laughed some more and said, “I have some things I’d like to discuss with you tonight. You might not like the sounds of it at first, but they guarantee results or your money back.”

“Oh man, are you seeing a prostitute again?” Blair teased and smacked him on the shoulder.

“Very funny. No, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and I have some things to discuss with you.”

Blair sat down at the table and said, “Hit me.”

"You're 26 and single, I'm 36 and divorced, what are we doing wrong?" Jim started out the conversation.

“Wait a moment. You make it sound like we’re a step away from an old age home. Did you happen to stop by Walgreens and get some Depends while you were at it?” Blair was shocked.

“I just figure that we’re doing something wrong. You haven’t had a date in like a month. I haven’t had a date in three months. What are we doing wrong?”

“Jim, we’ve been super busy with work, my school, my students and life in general. I haven’t had time for anything. I think we can find our own dates.”

“I don’t think it would hurt to have some help. Maybe we could find someone to settle down with,” Jim suggested.

“You want to settle down? You settled down once and it didn’t work. Why would you want to try it again?”

“Blair, we all make mistakes and we need to make more in order to grow.”

“So like you could be dating a Carolyn look-a-like and act-a-like and fall for her and divorce again?” Blair wondered.

“Actually, I was thinking more on the lines of a man. I don’t want to date anyone from the station. I don’t think Bradley Carson is a hottie, so he does nothing for me. I just thought it would be a place to meet someone nice and have some dates. We don’t have to get serious, we could just date a lot. It’s not that expensive. The most expensive part would be taking them out for dinner every time. Do we have to take them out more then once before we dump them?” Jim asked seriously.

Blair laughed very loud and very hard. “Jim, why would we be dating someone we want to dump? I think it’s a bad idea. Let me find someone for you. I know a lot of gay guys at the University and they would love to date you. You’re very sexy in your own gruff way.”

Jim smiled at the backward compliment and said, “Who do you know at the University that I could date?”

“Charles Miller is a nice guy. Super nice guy. He teaches math and is semi tall and handsome too,” Blair said smiling.

“Charles Miller from the University party two weeks ago? He’s a nerd. I don’t want to date him. Isn’t there anyone else that you know of?”

“Jim, I didn’t know you were so picky. Okay, how about Rick Reynolds? He teaches shop and Phys-Ed. What do you think of him? He liked the looks of you and asked about you after the party,” Blair wiggled his eyebrows up and down and smiled.

“Geeze, Rick is a nice guy and everything, but he’s like five feet tall. I honestly think he’s a dwarf. I would feel self-conscious dating him.”

“Jim, he’s five foot, six. He’s almost the same height as me. Get a grip. Are you going to find something wrong with everyone I think of?”

“Who’s next on this fabulous list of yours?” Jim asked.

“How about Juan Chavez? He’s really nice. He’s the maintenance man for the first floor of the University. You’ve met him at my office before. What do you think of him? He thinks you’re hot.”

“He doesn’t do a thing for me, Chief. And honestly can you see introducing the two of us at a party or something. This is Jim and Juan.” Jim burst out laughing and Blair glared at him.

“Okay, I’ve run out of guys. Do you have any other clever ideas? And before I forget, since when do you date guys?”

“I’ve been dating guys since you were a youngster, I’ll have you know,” Jim said.

“Jim did you happen to get any of those Depends, because I think you need to put one on. You’re fucking old.”

“Ha ha ha. That almost made me really laugh.”

“Jim, you’re not that old. You’re making yourself sound like you’re ancient. Although, then I could study you if you were old enough,” Blair kidded.

“Oh there he goes with the old age jokes again. And then you wonder why I say I’m old.”

“So you really want to date someone from E-Harmony?” Blair asked.

“Not really, but I can’t seem to find any dates on my own.” Jim pulled the paper out and said, “Look at all of these questions they ask.”

Blair looked over the paper and he looked up at Jim oddly. “Jim, it says you prefer someone in the 5’7” to 5’ 9” range. You want a short dude?”

“Yeah, I like my men shorter them me. Got a problem with that, Chief?”

“No, I’m just surprised. I figured you would put down an action figure as the example of what you’re looking for. Tall, hunky and strong.”

“No, I like my men smaller and very smart.”

Blair thought a minute and said, “Wait a minute, you said Charles Miller was a nerd. He’s smaller and smart as a whip.”

“He is a nerd, Chief. If you looked up geek in the Wikipedia his picture would be there with a warning,” Jim joked.

“Okay, so you want them smart, but not nerds. Jim, this might be difficult. I think you need to look more in the line of civil servant jobs. Another cop from a different precinct would be a good idea. Oh my god, I thought of someone that would be perfect. He’s from Station House 11 and his name is Sidney Shafer. Super nice guy, I would date him but he likes his guys big and buff. Like you,” Blair said happily.

“I dated him once and he was an asshole. He thinks he is much better then anyone else. Do you know he asked me out for dinner and then split the cost of it with me at the end of the meal?”

“So Sidney is a no go. You know Jim, I think you’re a little picky. Tell me what you’re looking for in a man,” Blair asked once again.

“Shorter then I am, smarter then I am and much nicer looking then I am,” Jim said.

“Geeze, Jim, that’s going to be like super hard. You’re too good looking to start with and you’re plenty smart, book and life smart.”

“Think a minute and see if you can think of anyone like that. I’m going to suggest some people at the station for you,” Jim said.

“Oh goody. Lay it on me, my man.”

Jim thought for a moment and said, “George Baxter in Records is very nice looking and a really nice guy. At least that’s what I’ve heard.”

“Oh God, I hate George Baxter. He’s a snob, Jim. A total and complete snob. He snubs me every time I go into Records. You, he’s nice to, but me, he could care less about.”

Jim leaned his head back and continued to think. “Oh, I have one. Ben Rawlins in Traffic. He’s cute, he’s cute and he’s cute. What do you think of him?”

“Jim, he’s with someone and he’s not my type anyhow,” Blair assured him.

“Who the fuck is your type, Sandburg?”

“Why are you getting so touchy about this? You’re the one who shot down all of my ideas for dates for you. I like my guys taller then me, muscular build and very nice looking. Don’t give me that look. I like a good looking man. So shoot me.”

Jim thought for the longest while and finally said, “I can’t think of a damn person for you to ask out. I say we go for E-Harmony.”

“I don’t want to date a stranger that I don’t even know if I’ll like enough to pay for dinner for them. How about Speed Dating? They have it at the University. Have you ever heard of that?” Blair inquired.

“Yes, I’m heard of it, Chief, but I don’t think you get a proper idea of what someone is like in five or ten minutes. No thank you.”

“How much is this E-Harmony anyhow and why now?” Blair asked.

“I’m lonely. I mean its great having your friendship, but I’d like someone to spend the night, someone to wake up to in the morning. That hasn’t happened in a really long time.”

“What do you think brought this on?” Blair asked.

“I was sitting here thinking about how life is passing us both by. We spend way too much time together. We go to the games together, we go out to eat lunch and dinner together, we see movies together, museums, art shows and everything else we do together. We’re going to be alone for the rest of our lives and I just felt like time was not going to be kind. In a few years, no one will want to date me. I’ll be old, wrinkled and out of shape. Who would want to date a has been?”

“I would date you over anyone I’ve met at the station and that includes the hottie I mentioned.”

“You would date me? Blair, I’m so not your type. I’ve seen the guys you bring by now and then, they are nothing like me,” Jim stated.

“If I wanted to date you, I would date you, I wouldn’t date anyone else because he was or wasn’t like you. That’s just rude.”

“So let me get this clear. You would date me?” Jim was still a little confused.

“Jim, what is your problem understanding things today. Of course I would date you. You’re my best friend in the world. We do everything together, we like the same things, we love to go to the same places and I know you better than anyone else.”

Jim just sat there with his mouth opening and closing, reminding Blair of a fish out of water.

“So do you want to date me? Am I your type at all?” Blair asked.

“You’re exactly my type. I just didn’t think I was your type.”

“Jim, let me get this straight. You didn’t notice that the last guy I dated had a crew cut, muscles and was in the service? I was hot for him because he reminded me of you. Yes, I know I’m shallow and a creep.”

“Was he like me?” Jim wondered.

“No, he was nothing like you. I wouldn’t give him anything that night and he got pissed off and shoved me around a little bit. Don’t get all crazy, man, I shoved him back. I gave him as much as he gave me.”

“Was this that last guy you dated?” Jim asked.

“Jim, it’s over and done with. Let’s get back on track. So you want to date me?”

“Yes, Chief, I want to date you. I want to take you out on some dates before we sleep together. I want us to be exclusive. I want us to be happy. I want us to be in love,” Jim said dreamily.

“Then I think we should do it. Tear up those E-Harmony papers. We don’t need no stinking help with dating. We’ve got exactly what we need right here in the loft. We’re going to be happy. I already love you, man and we will be exclusive.”

“What about dinner at Chelsea’s Pub tomorrow night, followed by some fantastic necking on the sofa?” Jim asked.

“I have a counter-offer. What about we have dinner tomorrow night, but we neck on the sofa tonight to give us some practice? We have to see if we’re compatible after all. Right?” Blair said.

Jim smiled at Blair and answered, “That’s true. What if we kissed and nothing happened between us. I say we try it tonight and if it doesn’t work out we’ll try E-Harmony.”

“Oh fuck, E-Harmony. Come here.” Blair pulled Jim close to him at the table and kissed him licking Jim’s lips on the way into his mouth. They kissed for about ten minutes and then Blair pulled back and said, “What do you think?”

Jim got up, tore up the papers from E-Harmony and pulled Blair up so that they could neck on the sofa.

“At least we’re compatible.” Blair stated.

“Chief, I always knew we would be. I’ve wanted you for a long, long while.”

“Why did you wait for so long?”

“It has to do with me being 36 and once divorced. I thought I was used goods, maybe even damaged goods. Why didn’t you say anything?”Jim asked.

“I thought you would think I wouldn’t settle down for one person. I wanted you to believe it before I made my move. Boy I’m sure glad we had this discussion today,” Blair admitted.

Jim pulled Blair onto the sofa and said, “Five dates before we sleep together. Then we’re sure.”

“I disagree with that, but if that’s what you want, then that’s what you’ll get. I’ll adapt,” Blair said smiling.

“What do you mean you disagree? What are you thinking about?”

“I was thinking about having you help me move upstairs and sleeping on the big bed tonight. That’s what I was thinking about. You kiss mighty fine, Mr. Ellison.”

“Thank you. Blair, I really feel like we should take our time.”

“Whatever works for you, I’m fine with. But just know I’m going to be whacking off in the bedroom all night long after making out with you.”

“Let’s try this necking and see how it goes. We can play it by ear.” Jim ignored Blair’s last statement.

They started necking and before long, Blair was sitting on Jim’s lap and Jim was humping against Blair. “Hey, we’re supposed to be taking it slow,” Blair said panting.

“Jim pushed Blair over on his own side of the sofa and said, “Sorry Chief. I got carried away. Your taste is wonderful. I could spend an eternity in your mouth alone.”

“Let’s call it a night, Jim and we’ll go for dinner tomorrow night and make out again. We’re going to do this right.”

Jim kissed Blair one more time and said, “Goodnight, Blair.”

“Goodnight, Jim.”

They both went to their separate beds and tossed and turned most of the night. Jim was so stiff he could pound nails with this hard on. But he really wanted this to work out right, so he was going to have to slow things down.


The next morning, Jim kissed Blair and said, “You know, I’m 36 and divorced and you’re 26 and single and I think we should be together from now on. We’re both off today, how about we move all of your things upstairs?”

“Sounds like a solid plan to me, Jim. I’ll make breakfast while you make the coffee.”

Jim was pouring the water into the coffee pot and said very casually, “In case you were wondering, I’m in love with you.”

Blair smiled. “I love you too.”

“So what are we making for breakfast?”

Blair almost flew over to Jim and said, “Fuck breakfast. In fact, fuck the coffee. Let’s just fuck.”

Jim took Blair up the stairs and that’s exactly what they did.

The end

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Acknowledgments: Thanks to Lisa for the prompt idea and the story idea for this prompt. Thank you to Kelly for the beta.