Real Men Don't Cry, Ellison by Debbie Stone

Real Men Don't Cry, Ellison - Debbie Stone

Real men. Real men don’t. Real men don’t cry. Right? Right? Real men don’t cry, right? Jim kept repeating that to himself over and over and over as he clung onto Blair’s bullet pierced body. Real men don’t cry, real men don’t cry. His father had drilled that into his head again and again. Real men don’t cry! Dad, I’m trying not to cry here but this might be a little bit more than I can handle, he thought to himself.

Jim slowly looked down into his partner’s beautiful face. Blair’s face. The face he had grown to love more than life itself. The long dark eyelashes were now closed concealing those incredible blue eyes and those sweet lips full of warmth and tenderness that melted Jim’s sometimes-cold heart to pieces whenever they shared a breathless kiss or a gentle wisp of touched lips. Jim nearly zoned on the reflections of golden brown and auburn curls of hair as it lie draped over his arm as it supported Blair’s head against his chest. If the reality of the situation hadn’t been so dyer he could just stare at those curls forever. Blair’s curls his lover’s curls. Slowly Jim’s eyes were drawn back to Blair’s face and he reached out and touched his strong jaw line and traced his index finger over the light stubble that had grown in since he shaved this morning. Once he completed the soft trace of Blair’s jaw reality slammed into his heart as his gaze followed to the hole in Blair’s blue dress shirt surrounded with bright red blood. Blair’s blood. Real men don’t cry, real men don’t cry, real men… “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!” A scream of sheer heartbreaking terror ripped from Jim’s lips as he threw his head back in anguish. “Dear God no, Blair. Don’t do this to me, fight, dam it, fight. Don’t you give up on me,” Jim screamed as he rocked Blair’s lifeless body in his arms.

Real men don’t cry, Ellison, he said to himself. Real men don’t cry but suddenly he became aware of the strong sense of cold wetness on his cheeks and the smell of salt. Tears? His tears? Jim Ellison, cold-hearted son of a bitch was crying. The floodgates opened and tears streamed down his face. Sorry dad, I’m crying and I don’t care what you think. This man is my life dad and if he dies I will cry forever. Dam you dad for telling me that real men don’t cry because real men do cry. They do whether you think so or not. There is nothing wrong with a man crying. Blair is more of a man than you will ever be and he cries. Dear God, I wish he’d just wake up and cry with me right now because I need his tears to live. This silence isn’t right.

“Sandburg, I’m dying here say something.” Fear encircled Jim’s entire being. Life without Blair was not an option. Jim could hear the sound of sirens as they approached the Rainer campus. Not only those of the ambulances for those injured but also those of Police who were still arriving at the scene to be sure the sniper had been subdued. “Blair open your eyes and look at me.” Jim glanced away from Blair just for an instant to see Simon dropping to his knees beside them. “Jim, is he alive? Panic filled Simon’s eyes.

"He’s still with us,” Jim said as tears continued to cover his cheeks. His mind racing with the words of his father, real men don’t cry. Simon placed his right hand over Blair’s forehead and stroked it a couple of times to be sure he could still feel the warmth of life on the observer’s flesh. A single tear escaped from the corner of Simon’s left eye.

“I’ll get some help, Jim. Just keep him with us.” Simon stood up and brushed away his tear as he quickly walked away to find medical help. “See dad real men do cry, just like Simon.” He whispered to himself as he began talking to Blair.

“Chief, did you see that, Simon has a tear in his eye. I guess he’s getting soft just like me. I hope you heard what he said about staying with us. Help is almost here, buddy.” Jim’s hands trembled with fear as he noticed the blood stain on Blair’s shirt had grown larger.

Jim leaned over to whisper into Blair’s ear, “I love you will all my heart, Blair, please don’t leave me. You’ve made a real man out of me and I want to share my life with you forever.” As Jim pulled away from Blair’s ear a tear dropped onto Blair lips. More tears began to follow as Jim listened to the precious heart that was his world. Jim noticed at that precise instant that Blair licked the tear from his lips.

“Jim?” came a painfully soft voice that only Jim could hear. Jim’s heart was racing as he heard his name come from the lips of the man he was holding within his arms.

“Blair? Chief? Oh God open your eyes if you can. Please, Blair!” Blair’s eyes began to flutter with an attempt to open and focus on the voice that was his anchor to this world.

“J-Jim. What happened? My chest hurts so bad. I can’t breath.”

“It’s ok buddy, just hang on I’ve got you and help is on its way.”

“Jim, why are you crying? What happened?” Blair whispered. Jim didn’t want to scare him but he knew he couldn’t lie to him either because Blair had become concerned when he saw the tears in Jim’s eyes.

“There was a sniper on campus chief and you managed to get yourself shot.” More tears fell from his eyes as he looked into the blue eyes that he loved so much. “You’re gonna be ok, chief.”

“What about everyone else? Did anyone else get hit?” Tears now appearing in Blair’s blue eyes.

“Two other students were hit but nothing life threatening. Witnesses said you yelled out for everyone to get down and they ducked for cover just as the shooting started. You saved many people’s lives here today, Blair. I’m so proud of you and I love you so much.” Tears flowed from both of them.

“I love you too, Jim, with all my heart. A real man that I’m so honored to have in my life. See Jim, real men do cry.” Blair lifted his hand to touch one of the tears rolling down Jim’s face and brought it to his lips. Those were Blair’s last words as the paramedics carefully lifted his lover from his arms and onto the gurney for the journey to the hospital.

“See dad, real men do cry.” Jim said in a quiet whisper as he followed the gurney into the waiting ambulance.

The end

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