Ah, Geez! by mereridkat

Ah, Geez! - mereridkat

Blair had fallen deeply asleep after a good session of self-loving, so it took several rings of the telephone for it to register in his brain. He jumped up out of bed, startled, kicking over his bottle of unscented lube, and the vibrator rolled off the end of the bed, clattering, and immediately started to buzz. His ass clenched in very recent, very pleasant memory.

"Geez!" He grumbled with frustration, running to grab the vibrator, switching it off. The answering machine picked up, and he nearly jumped at the sound of Jim's voice.

"You've reached Jim Ellison and Blair Sandburg residence. We're-."

Blair grabbed the handset and pressed the talk button. "Hi, hello. It's me, Blair."

"Hello, Blair." Replied Mr. Ellison, Jim's dad. "It's Bill Ellison."

"Hi, Bill." The sight of the red vibrator in his hand made him blush. He whipped around his back as if he had to hide it from Mr. Ellison, and managed to poke himself in the left butt cheek. He jumped, the vibrator popped out of his hand, hit the floor rolling and vibrating. "How are you, sir? Are you looking for Jim? I thought he was visiting you tonight-."

Blair went cold and blushed again as he moved after the damn vibrator. He got it, switched it off, and jerked around towards the kitchen. His signal that Jim was home - and he hadn't heard his roommate - the half empty can of Sprite on the kitchen island had not moved. Whew! He was still safe.

"Yes, he was here, Blair. He left about a half hour ago," Mr. Ellison informed him. "Are you alright? You sound a bit out of..."

"Wind. Yes, you caught me. I was doing yoga while Jim was gone. Really gets the blood stirred up, you know." Blair laughed, and he hoped Mr. Ellison bought it.

"Oh, I know. Sally drags me to her yoga stretching class every so often. I can hardly walk for days after." Mr. Ellison laughed. "Listen, let Jim know he forgot the Tupperware container he brought over full of cookies. He can pick it up any time. Those were great cookies, Blair. Jim tells me that you gave him the recipe. I never thought vegan cookies would taste very good."

"I'll let him know. I'm glad you liked the cookies. But Jim is really a master chef, you know. My cookies never tasted as good as his." Oh good, did I really say that? Blair cringed.

"He certainly is a good cook. He must get that from my father. My mother was never much of a cook, and neither am I." Mr. Ellison yawned. "Good lord, it's hardly after eleven. This getting old is shitty business, Blair. I can't stay up past 10:30 without being exhausted the next day. One beer makes me- well, you don't need to hear this. Let Jim know I called, and I'll talk to you another time."

"No problem, Mr. Ellison. I'll let Jim know you called as soon as he gets home." Blair promised. They said good night, and Blair clicked off the phone.

Jim should have been home by now. It hardly took him more than 20 minutes to drive home from his father's house these days. Especially at night. Blair glanced at the clock, crap! What if he was sitting down in the parking lot in the truck cause he heard Blair having some 'fun'?

He started towards the balcony and then realized he was still naked, clutching his red vibrator in his left hand, and hurried back to his bedroom. The bottle of lube had started leaking out onto the floor and seeping right into the $7 military muscle men magazine that he had indulged in at the adult store earlier today.

"Ah, geez!" He griped, grabbing up the magazine and flinging strands of lube around his room. One small glop landed right on top of the stack of Psych 101 term papers he had graded earlier this evening. "Ah, come on guys! Crap! Just what I need, and Jim's going to be home any moment!"

He tossed the phone down on his bed beside the vibrator, and worked on cleaning up the mess. He wiped of the top paper, printer ink smearing only slightly. The magazine back page was ruined, but the rest was okay. He was just about to run out to the kitchen and get more paper towels when the front door opened.

"Blair?" Jim called out, and immediately caught sight of naked Blair framed in his bedroom doorway.

Blair's penis, so recently entertained by images of muscular Marines and Army Rangers all naked and sweaty and hard, immediately started waking up. Whoa? The real Mr. Muscle himself? THE Army Ranger of Blair's lustful, naughty dreams?

"Uh." Blair blinked, trying very hard not to clap his hands over his bare genitals. "Hi, Jim."

"Blair." Jim half-nodded, the front door closed. He had a bag full of groceries in his left arm. He blinked, trying very hard to get his brain to move. Hello? Hello brain?

The telephone rang again from Blair's bed. Blair jumped, whirled around, took a few steps towards his bed, and hit the small pool of lube with one foot. It was enough what with his forward momentum. He thrashed madly to catch his balance, but fate was happily working against him. He lost his balance, and fell backwards on the bottle of lube. The bottle, thankfully, had fallen over once again. So instead of having it jammed up his butt, the weight of his body popped the lid off, and squirted unscented, hypoallergenic lubricant for several feet.

The phone continued to ring as Blair slid into his desk. His genitals nearly got run over by the back leg of the office chair. He squeaked in fear.

"Blair?" Jim called out in urgent worry. He put the sack of groceries down, and hurried into Blair's small bedroom. The phone continued to ring, lying right beside the deep red, happily humming along, vibrator. Blair was on his back clutching himself as the office chair tipped over on top of him. Some kind of gelatinous liquid had exploded over the floor.

Jim looked at the vibrator, and realized what the gel was. Jim blinked. The phone rang. Blair grumbled, "Ah, geez!"

Jim picked up the phone, and for some reason, the vibrator as well. He pressed 'talk' at the same time he switched the vibrator off.


"Jim? Hi, dear! This is Naomi! I just got into town! Is Blair around? I tried texting him earlier, but the grumpy stewardess took my cell phone away. I think she needs a colon cleansing. She's been very unhappy all through this flight..."

Jim closed his eyes, and shook his head. Her sense of timing never fails, does it?

"Blair is a little busy right this second..." He opened his eyes, and looked down at his wiggling roommate. "NAOMI." Blair froze, and his eyes went wide. He couldn't possibly flush any deeper. "Are you at the airport? We can come pick-."

"Oh, no! Len and I are already at the hotel. I just wanted to let Blair know I'm here. Maybe we could all have breakfast in the morning. Is he okay? Has he had sex lately? The last time..."

Jim looked at the vibrator in his hand, and started laughing. "He's fine, Naomi. Trust me. I'll have him call you as soon as he gets out of the bathroom. Okay?"

"Oh yes, that would be wonderful!" Before she could go on about anything else like bowel movements and Blair's childhood fight with constipation, Jim bid her good night.

Jim sat down on the bed and started laughing in earnest.

"This isn't funny!" Blair whined. "I nearly got injured here! I could be injured. This damn chair-!"

Jim set the phone and the vibrator down, and helped Blair get up and away from the office chair. He was a little sore, but nothing was broken.

Except for the bottle of lube.

Laughter died as Jim looked at Blair, naked, dripping with lube. Flecks of dried cum were caught in Blair's chest hair. The scent of it all was quite overwhelming. Jim's head tilted, Blair's mouth opened, and they were kissing before either knew what was happening.

Jim's right hand splayed out over Blair's back, sinking down into cold lube and round ass. Mouths angled, opening wider, tongues engaged.

"Jim?" Blair gasped for breath. "Jim, are you serious? Maybe this is just sensory overload, and you..."

"I see your military muscle magazine there, Blair. I didn't know you liked the type." Jim took a few deep breaths, but also managed to arch an eyebrow.

Blair swallowed. "Uhm, well."

Jim took his hand and pulled him along up the stairs to his loft bedroom. He rustled around in the bottom drawer of his chest of drawers, pulled out a magazine and handed it to Blair.

Blair blinked, looking at the 'hairy young bears'. "I am not a bear." He finally protested, lamely.

Jim chuckled, turned back around, and rummaged in the drawer some more. He pulled out a deep, hand carved oak box. He opened it, and held out a deep red vibrator to Blair.

"I thought for a moment that you might have found mine." Jim smiled.

Blair started laughing. He flung the magazine over the railing, "I don't think you'll need that anymore."

"Hey, that cost me $12!" Jim protested half-heartedly.

"You'll get over it. Got any more lube? I think mine is shot."

"Yeah, all over the floor. That'll be a mess-" Jim hesitated as Blair stroked himself, smiling devilishly at his Sentinel.

"And here I thought you were repressed." Blair chuckled. "I think you'll make a nice bottom."

Jim set the box aside. "I was repressed. I don't have a chance around you."

"Poor baby." Blair sauntered forward. He stroked himself, pointing at Jim's bulge with the tip of his penis. "I'm sure you'll survive somehow."

"Hm. Maybe." Jim pulled his polo shirt off over his head, and tossed it aside. "But I think you'll do more bottoming than I will."

Blair leaned into Jim, spreading his hands over the magnificent chest, finally bare for him. "I beg to differ."

"Beg all you want," Jim said, hoisting Blair up, and the young man's legs went around Jim's narrow waist. Jim walked forward and knelt on the bed until Blair's back rested on his comforter. "In fact, the more begging you do, the better."

Jim ducked his head down and his mouth latched onto Blair's left nipple.

Blair gasped, "Ah, geez!"

He didn't call Naomi back until noon the next day.

The end

Back to Story Index

Notes: Written for Patt, bff!