Your Love is Served - Landis McQuade
No, Weíre Not There Yet
Blair enters Beanís Things. He strolls up to the counter where the owner Bean is eating a muffin. Jim, on the phone, enters behind him with an air of exasperation about him.
Bean: Good Morning.
Blair: Sure is.
Jim scowls at Bean.
Bean: What can I get you this morning?
Blair: What things do you have today?
Bean: What kinds of things are you hoping I have today?
Bean flashes a smile at Jim who puts the phone aside a moment.
Jim: Just get him a thing. Any thing. Weíre in a hurry today.
Blair: (sniffing the air) Freshly roasted beans?
Bean: Of course.
A customer enters and files in line behind Jim. Blair peruses the pastry case while Bean keeps trying to catch Jimís eye.
Blair: Guatemalan or Sumatran?
Bean: Whatever you want.
Customer Behind Jim: Buddy you want a latte, order one. You want a girlfriend try the personal ads. Weíve all got places to be.
Jim finishes his call, hangs up, turns around to acknowledge the man.
Jim: I tell him that constantly. He has a hearing problem. You know a good ontarynologist?
Blair: Can I have a double shot latte with nonfat milk please? And dinner?
Bean: (looking at Jim like heís dinner) Sure. Thereís this fabulous Thai recipe Iíve been wanting to try out.
Blair: Fabulous. Jimís developed an aversion to Thai. Canít quite figure out if itís an allergy or oversensitivityÖ And heís got some kind of police training tonight.
Jim: (to the guy behind him) It was improper food handling.
Customer Behind Jim: Some of us do have to work today.
Bean: Blair, thatíll be $3.25.
Bean holds out her hand to Jim who gives her the money.
Bean: (to Customer Behind Jim) Is that what you do? Thatís so impersonal.
Bean rings up the order, gives Jim his change and a bearclaw.
Bean: Upadating your bad-ass-donít-mess-with-me-Iíve-dealt-with-scumbags- like-you-all-day-Iím-tired-my-tolerance-is-gone-and-all-I-wanna-do-is-go-home-and- make-love-and-fall-asleep-in-her-arms-certification?
Jim thoughtfully considers what sheís said, looks at Blair and smiles.
Bean: Thatís so hot.
Jim: (looking at Blair) Yeah, it could be.
Bean: What timeís your class over? Iíll swing by and pick you up.
Blair: No class. I have an Ardrey seminar. Mating habits, sex, property, territory, and natural instinct. Who-hoo.
Customer Behind Jim: Whereíd you learn how to flirt? Wild Kingdom?
Jim: Heís an anthropologist. He read about it.
Bean laughs so hard she spills Blairís latte.
Bean: Hey, Jim, whatcha doiní this afternoon? We oughta catch Blairís lecture.
Jim: (shrugs his shoulders) Arson? Homicide? Grand Theft? Chief? Letís go. Bean, make sure Sandburg cleans up after himself. (takes a bite of the bear claw) Good.
Blair: What about my latte?
Jim: Come on, weíre already late. You can get one at the Starbucks on campus.
Blair: Starbucks? Starbucks? Are you crazy? No way, Bean, come on, we have timeÖ
Jim grabs him by the collar and starts dragging him to the door.
Bean: Iíll bring you something special later. Shoo. The manís got bad guys to put behind bars.
They exit. Bean winks at Blair who is the exasperated one leaving the store. Jim lets go of Blair after the door closes. Blair is pissed as he gets in the truck and purposefully slams the door. Jim winces.
Blair: Do you have to flirt with every woman I like?
Jim gets in, turns the ignition on and starts driving away.
Jim: She flirted with me.
Blair: Buddies? That mean anything to you? Help me out here, man.
Jim: You want a bone?
Blair starts grumbling and ranting. Jim, with a big smile on his face, ignores him.
ďNo, Sandburg, We Are Not Stopping Here."
Blair is in the ER. Heís in a curtained cubicle with a doctor.
Doctor: Mr. Sandburg, I would recommend you refrain from these practices in the future without first consulting an instruction manual. FunTimes over on Hastings has someÖ
Blair: Hey, I'm a liberal guy. I have no aversion to what people do in the bedroom. Other people. Me? I'm not into pain. I hate pain. I so hate pain. This is not what you think. People spill hot drinks on theirÖon theirÖyou know, all the time.
Doctor: Yes of course they do, Mr. Sandburg. Coffee misplaced on a dashboard, an unexpected corner turn. All explainable. But you Mr. Sandburg have a second degree burn. Something pretty serious indeed. Not what one would expect from sloshed coffee in the car.
Blair: It was a latte, not a coffee. And I wasnít in a car.
Doctor: Precisely my point, which is why I suggested you invest in some reading material. 3322 Hastings. Check it out. Iíll be back in a few minutes with your prescription and creams.
A nurse enters a few moments later.
Nurse: Your partnerís on his way. Why donít you just go get dressed and then you can wait for him without entertaining all the other patients okay?
Blair: You called Jim? You didnít tell him what happened did you?
The Nurse starts laughing as Jim opens the curtain, holding Blairís sample creams and prescription.
Jim: This everything? He good to go?
Nurse: Yes, Detective Ellison. Blair, youíre good to go. Go get that prescription filled. Use the cream as much as you need to. Take the pills twice a day for 10 days, got it?
Blair: Yes maíam.
Nurse: All right. Scoot. Now I donít want to see you boys in here for at least another six months.
Jim: Thanks, Coral.
Jim steers Blair towards the exit
Coral: Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?
Jim: Sorry, Coral; itís our Asian cooking class tonight.
Jim: (Smiling) Oh, yeah. Bye, Coral.
They start walking down the corridor to the emergency entrance.
Blair: You make me sick.
Blair is getting worked up and about to go off when Jim holds up his hand in protest.
Jim: What can I tell you, Sandburg? Women always want what they canít have.
Blair: Since when are you available?
Jim: Mmm? This morning.
Blair: What did you take today?
Blair: Thatís causing you to act like a goofball? This is so not like you, man.
Jim: Itís called love, Sandburg.
They exit the hospital and head to the truck. Itís tricky for Blair getting in. Jim assists.
Jim: How many times do I have to tell you, Sandburg? One latte a day.
Blair: Bean spilled mine this morning.
Jim: (gesturing at Blair's crotch) This what the natives do when they're not in the mood? Their version of 'honey, I have a headache?'
Blair: I'm not in the mood for you. Take me home. Honey.
Jim tousles Blairís hair, places his hands on Blairís hips and gently lifts him onto the truck seat.
Jim: Itís all good.
I Donít Care About the Historical or Sociological Significance of a Moldy Artifact
Blair is sitting at the kitchen table talking into his laptop when Jim enters. Blair looks up at him as he places the bags he is carrying on the key table, puts the keys in the basket and hangs up his coat.
Blair: Bill, this is an anthro class, not zoology. The males of the Akiratiero tribe do not bite the necks of their females to hold them down while mating. Thatís lions, man. Okay, class over. I hoped you learned something of value today. Iíll see you in person next week. Do your assignments and stop watching Animal Planet so much.
Jim: The species would die out.
Blair shoots Jim a dirty look and starts packing up his computer. Jim picks up the bags, carries them over to the table, taunts Blair with them, gets close and whispers in Blairís ear.
Jim: Itís a necessity.
Blair grabs for the bags and Jim holds them out of reach. Blair makes another attempt but is stopped by the discomfort he experiences from his unhealed injury.
Blair: Iím going to bite you if you donít hand that over.
Jim goes into the kitchen and starts unpacking the bags containing take-out containers.
Jim: Wonít work; Iím not female.
Blair: What will?
Jim stops his work and thinks deeply. His thoughts cause him to smile broadly. He is in his own world of fantasies when Blair tosses a pencil at him.
Blair: (still grumpy) Meet some criminal femme fatales today, did ya?
Still smiling, Jim fixes their plates and brings them to the table. Blair pushes his computer case aside and inhales the scent of his food. He digs in as Jim goes back to the kitchen and brings him a bottled iced-tea and tousles Blairís hair.
Blair keeps eating while Jim sits down and starts eating. Blair looks up at him and smiles.
Jim: This works, Blair.
Blair: This is good. I told Bean weíre going to find another cafť. One a little closer to home.
They gaze at each other awhile.
Blair: You better get going.
Blair: Firearms certification?
Jim: Yeah, okay. Iíll be back by ten. Call if you need anything.
Jim gets up from the table, puts on his coat, grabs his keys, and exits the loft. Blair looks up at the ceiling.
Blair: Thank you, Universe.
Letís Take a Shortcut the Next Time
Jim is watching a game, monitoring Blair in the bathroom. Blairís mumbling and talking to himself.
Jim: You good in there?
Blair: Canít a guy take a pee in peace?
Blair exits the bathroom, wearing his bathrobe. He comes to sit by Jim.
Blair: Whatís the score?
Jim puts his arm around Blair and pulls him close.
Jim: Weíre winning.
Blair wraps his arms around Jimís middle and snuggles closer.
Blair: Not quite yet, weíre not.
Blair lifts his face to Jimís, places his hands on Jimís cheeks and draws Jimís face to his for a short kiss.
Jim: Youíre right; we need to take this into overtime.
Jim lifts Blair so that Blair is sitting on his lap and they kiss, deepening the passion. They break for air.
Jim: (caressing Blairís hair) We canít do this tonight.
Blair: Why not?
Jim: It was a good day. No bad guys trying my patience.
Blair kisses him.
Blair: Itís always a good day for making love.
Jim: I canít control myself with you and youíre injured and youíre just going to have to wait.
Blair: I can wait.
Jim: You donít have to wait for everything.
Blair: Kissingís good. Snugglingís great. I can kiss and snuggle.
Jim: Yes, you can, but thatís not what I meant.
Blair: What did you mean?
Jim: Blair Sandburg?
Blair: Thatís me.
Jim: I love you and I have every intention of falling asleep tonight in the arms of the man I love.
Blair: I love you too, James Joseph Ellison.
Jim: Itís late, we should go to bed.
Blair starts kissing him again.
Jim: Sleep, Chief; we have the rest of our lives for more.
Blair: You know I have no patience. Take me to bed, James.
Blair and Jim are in bed.
Blair: Jim? Iím not tired.
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Acknowledgments: Thanks to all who make the slash community possible. Thank you to texasaries for the cover art.