Ripping Him a New One By Lisa

The sweat glistened on their bare skin in the aftermath of their rousing lovemaking. James MacEllison rolled out of the wet spot, his whole body tingling, especially his ass. They were quite flexible in their roles as top and bottom, both enjoying switching when the mood struck, and after a satisfying defeat at chess, Blairthos had forcefully shoved Mac onto the bed and made him submit to another pleasurable sport.

The silence was broken by a loud squelch.


It took a moment for the smell to reach Mac's nose.


"What? I can't help it, it's a natural bodily function."

Jumping out of bed, Mac waved the air around with one hand while pinching his nose closed with the other.


"Oh, mother of god!" Mac exclaimed, giving up and stalking away. "Where are those matches?"

"Ah, ah, ah," Blairthos chided, "it's not safe to light a match with gas fumes in the air."


"Again?" Blairthos grinned over his shoulder at Mac.

"What did you eat? What was it that crawled up your ass and died and is now trying to punish me?"

"Hmm...maybe it was the cabbage? Or the beans? It couldn't have been the broccoli."

"You did this on purpose!" Mac accused.


"Oui, vous!"

"Would I do that to you, Kiltboy?"

"Didn't we already cover this, Death?"

"Oh, yes, right. How about a new version?"


"You know how sensitive my senses are!" Mac rebuked, picking up a couch pillow to use to fan the air.


"Oh, fuck, you're killing me here!"

"You're right, Mac, they can kill," Blairthos said, his voice deepening. "I killed. But I didn't just kill fifty. I didn't kill one hundred. I killed a thousand. I killed ten thousand! And-,"

"And you were good at it. Yeah, I've heard this song and dance before, Blairthos."

"Damn, you spoil all my fun."


"So, I'll just have to resort to death by gas."

"Fine!" Mac said, stalking into the bathroom and returning a minute later with a plastic bag.

"What the fuck?" Blairthos asked.

"Red Cedar chips," Mac said, sprinkling them all around the bed and even over the covers. "They're a natural deodorizer."

"But I'm allergic to Red Cedar!"



Glaring at Blairthos, Mac yelled, "Where's my sword?"

The end!

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